“Technology has succeeded in shrinking the time it takes to communicate, but also the care it takes to communicate.”

This week our “5 Questions” section got a pleasant surprise when Tony Alessandra agreed to a short-notice request for an interview. It is likely that most of you are already familiar with Dr. Alessandra, developer of the world renowned “Platinum Rule” products and the first person inducted into the Speakers Hall of Fame in 1985.He is a member of the Speakers Roundtable, a group of 20 of the world's top professional speakers and has author with 14 books translated into 11 foreign languages and is featured in over 50 audio/video programs and films including Relationship Strategies and his newest program, The 10 Qualities of Charismatic People.

1: We’re big fans of “The Platinum Rule” and its widespread application both personally and professionally. How did it come about, from idea to product? 

The Platinum Rule is the modern day equivalent of Dale Carnegie's classic HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE. I have spent a the past 34 years studying personalities and how to deal with them. It started while I was working on my doctoral dissertation on buyer-seller similarity as a determinant of sales success. I've taught hundreds of thousands how to handle people the way those people want to be handled...to speak to them in the way they are comfortable listening...to sell to people the way they like to buy...to lead people in ways that are comfortable for them to follow.

My files are filled with examples of people who've used The Platinum Rule to resolve differences, increase sales, maximize strengths, and enjoy fuller, more successful lives by better understanding themselves and the people around them. From Hippocrates to Jung to Myers/Briggs to Marston to Geier Merrill/Reid to Kiersey, theorists have sought to categorize temperaments. But THE PLATINUM RULE would be the first practical, popular work to not only show the reader his or her style, but also tell how to build bridges to any style in any work situation--asking for a raise, closing a sale, developing a big project, providing service, maximizing performance, or building morale.   

2: In our shrinking world, where people now have an ability to reach out to almost anyone at any time, why are we seeing such a …pardon the term… recession when it comes to good interpersonal skills? 

Technology has succeeded in shrinking the time it takes to communicate, but also the care it takes to communicate.  With email, instant messages, voice mail, texting, and other new and quick forms of communication an environment has been created in which face-to-face interactions—where interpersonal skills are learned and refined--have taken a back seat to brief, impersonal interactions.

3: What can or should a person do, from a planning perspective, to commit to becoming a better communicator? 

First, be observant of others around you, wherever you are.  If you pay attention, you’ll see examples every day of interpersonal skills in action--good and bad—at the office, the grocery store, school, gym…everywhere. Second, make it as habit to study something every day—even if only for 10 minutes a day—related to improving your own interpersonal skills.  It can be as simple as writing down the examples you notice from observation or your own experiences.  Reading or watching self improvement materials and then practicing what you learn is good. If you have children, taking care to ensure that they get enough ‘face time’ interaction with their families and friends so that they lean those crucial interpersonal skills. I have recently been filming a series of 6-10 minute videos on interpersonal skills at www.iLearningGlobal.biz/drtonya to help people accomplish these goals.

 4: Same question for organizations. Do they need to enforce some goals for service and positive interaction, or are customers getting numb from the Amazon.com experience of zero-service?

Absolutely, there should be goals for service and positive interaction.  It should start with our children.  Students should be taught a course on interpersonal skills—how to listen, ask questions, get feedback, deal with conflict.  Ironically, access to these kinds of skills is readily available online through the many workbooks, audios and online assessments currently offered by HRD Press.  It just needs to be emphasized as a requirement for a complete education.  Also, there should be requirements for serving one’s community in some capacity.  And it doesn’t end after school.  Today’s companies should have a continuous access to self improvement and skills building resources, as well as a presence in the communities they serve. These companies should create learning, lending libraries for their employees, vendors, customers and the community at large  The ranks of young workers coming out into today’s workplace need that feeling of connection that service provides to balance the impersonal nature of many of today’s jobs. 

 From the customer’s point of view, any time we experience an example of great customer service, it stands out as being a real connection in today’s all too often impersonal world.  And we want to go back.

5: We’re hearing quite a bit about the “boomer transition” right now as the generation moves toward retirement, when (and if) we see that in large scale do the rules for effective communication go with them, with a new book to be written?

The ‘Boomers’ have a great opportunity now to leave a legacy that bridges the past with the future.  Boomers were the last generation to learn communication skills as ‘second nature.’  We almost took it for granted that you had to know how to speak well, listen well, know something about behavioral styles, and other key skills to be effective in your career and in your life. Today’s emerging work force grew up with cell phones and email, and so those kinds of skills were de-emphasized.  And as a result, services and images have suffered.  But the good news is that this amazing new world of technology can be used to provide access to more resources and to more people than ever before in the history of the world. Much learning in interpersonal and self-development skills is available today via computers, e-learning, and cell phones. We just need to learn how to leverage it best.

Visit Tony Alessandra’s website at www.alessandra.com and be sure to check out his entertaining & educating videos on YouTube, Google Video, and elsewhere.